Irish Drunk is legendary! It’s practically woven into the very fabric of Irish pubs, their music, and their undeniable zest for life. But for the uninitiated, navigating the various stages of this phenomenon can be a whirlwind of hilarious confusion, heartwarming camaraderie, and the occasional head-scratching moment.
Fear not, dear reader! This handy guide will equip you with the knowledge to not only understand your Irish friends and family as they progress through the night, but maybe even join them on their merry (or slightly terrifying) adventure. So, grab a pint, settle in, and get ready to explore the 20 Stages of Irish Drunk:
The Irish Drunk Inebriation Index
| Level | Technical Term | Layman’s Terms (American) | Description (Irish) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Tipsy | A lil’ buzzed, feelin’ kinda giggly | Butterflies in your belly, the good kind this time. |
| 2 | Merry | Full of good cheer, havin’ a blast | Singin’ off-key like a karaoke champ, thinkin’ you’re a superstar (until reality hits). |
| 3 | Buzzed | Feelin’ the vibe, gettin’ chatty and a bit cocky | Ready to give your two cents on everything, whether they want it or not. |
| 4 | Plastered | Well-lubricated, words gettin’ slurred, balance goin’ wonky | Tryin’ to play pool but forgettin’ which end of the cue is which. |
| 5 | Flustered | Feelin’ a bit of a hot mess, makin’ a spectacle of yourself | Spillin’ your Guinness on the cute bartender and accidentally callin’ your boss “dude.” |
| 6 | Langered | Embracin’ the shenanigans, a bit of a goofball | Arguin’ with a street sign about the meanin’ of life, and losin’ the debate. |
| 7 | W*nkered | Sozzled, seein’ double | Askin’ your bud if they’ve always had three eyes or was it just tonight? |
| 8 | Ossified | Stiff as a tree trunk, thanks to the Jameson | Attemptin’ the Irish jig but lookin’ more like a rusty robot. |
| 9 | Buckled | So locked your knees are wobbly, can’t walk a straight line | Walkin’ sideways like a crab, it’s the only way forward. |
| 10 | Legless | Can’t walk at all, gonna need a piggyback ride | Your mate’s gonna be your personal chariot for the night. |
| 11 | Gee-eyed | Eyesight’s gone blurry, lookin’ real wonky | Squintin’ like you’re tryin’ to read the fine print on a leprechaun’s contract. |
| 12 | Rat-arsed | Trashed, rough as a badger’s backside | Reachin’ a new level of unholy messiness, bless your poor soul. |
| 13 | Banjaxed | Wrecked, in need of serious repair | Prayin’ for a greasy breakfast, a gallon of water, and the sweet release of oblivion. |
| 14 | Paralytic | Can’t move a muscle, out like a light | The only sign of life is the snores echoin’ off the pub walls. |
| 15 | In the horrors | So far gone the only thing left is pure terror | Wakin’ up in a field with nothin’ but a sheep lookin’ at you funny. |
| 16 | Ballixed | Off your rocker, gone full-blown bonkers | Mistakin’ a traffic cone for a dancin’ partner, bless your heart. |
| 17 | Transmogrified | Thinkin’ you’re sober when you’re still sloshed | Callin’ your Uber driver “buddy” and tryin’ to tip ’em in potatoes. |
| 18 | In a bad way | Payin’ the price for last night’s fun, feelin’ rough | Like you’ve been run over by a tractor and wouldn’t mind if it happened again, just to end the misery. |
| 19 | Locked | Wasted beyond belief, ready to pass out | You’ve reached the final boss level of inebriation, time to hibernate. |
| 20 | Gone to God | Stiff as a board, might as well be in a coffin | Needin’ a good dose of holy water and a wake to bring you back. |
Conclusion
There you have it, folks! From the first bubbly giggles to the state of being “well and truly gone to God” (hopefully metaphorically!), this guide has hopefully shed some light on the unique journey of the Irish Drunk. Remember, this is all meant in good fun, and the key is always to drink responsibly and know your limits.
Now, the next time you find yourself sharing a pint with your Irish friends, you’ll be able to not only keep up with their wit and craic, but also appreciate the full spectrum of their, shall we say, “Irish Drunk” enthusiasm. Just remember, if you ever encounter someone who has reached the stage of “rat-arsed” or “ballixed,” perhaps offer them a glass of water and a gentle nudge towards a taxi. They’ll thank you for it later, probably.
Sláinte (cheers) to responsible drinking and understanding the nuances of the cultural journeys around you! May your nights be filled with laughter, good company, and perhaps just a few of these “Irish Drunk” stages experienced safely and hilariously.
